Sunday, November 8, 2009

Balance is an illusion

I know that probably sounds like a cliché by now - a forty-something year old woman complaining that the work-life balance goal is just a fantasy. But, here I sit, at the kitchen table with Rita next to me, playing with Playdoh, while I slog through a stack of reading for my class on Monday night.

It's official, I now work full-time, go to school part-time and try to manage a household containing two little girls and a spouse. There's no 50-50. There are no breaks. It's hard as hell but, at least on some days, I am excited to make it work.

It's true that you have to let some things go when you are trying to do too many things. So, friends, if you were offended by my messy house before, you may want to avoid dropping by now. My Monday babysitter took pity on me last week and folded all the clean laundry that had piled up - now all I have to do is put it away - HAH! - more likely, we'll just pick out what we want to wear from the neat pile on the chair and put it on.

A couple of weeks ago, I felt such dread at the thought of having to finish a paper before class the next day that I told my husband I was going to quit the program. "Okay," he said. This was not a helpful response but he was probably just tired of hearing my gripes. Luckily, I have other friends, those in my doctoral program and others who have finished already and they remind me that I can do it. That it's best not to take things too seriously, to get as much done as you can without freaking out (and papers do get done better that way). To them I say, "Thanks!" To the spouse, I say, "Put away your own underwear!"