Can I Get a Witness?

One day my daughter will be really angry about this post...

I don't know what it is about the bathroom in my house that inspires the kids to want to be in it all the time. It's probably the smallest bathroom I've ever been in; we can't close the door while standing by the tub - we have to get out of the way first. I've already written about never getting to be alone in the bathroom when I need to use it. Unfortunately, the public display does not stop there.

I don't know why this is but whenever my daughter needs to poop, she wants one of us to sit or stand outside the bathroom door to watch her. She will call to one of us - usually me - to please stop whatever it is that I'm doing to come watch. You can hear her call out through the house, "I need to poop!" in her sweet little singsong. Then we are expected to witness the whole ordeal, which for some reason seems to take an inordinate amount of time. The most common time for this event is when I have just laid dinner on the table, I'm ravenous, and I'm just about to take a bite of something while it's still at the intended temperature. Then, I hear the poop call and am required to stand by as things come out.

If I should happen to leave my post at the bathroom door to do something - perhaps stop the baby from choking on a piece of my dinner that she's stolen from my plate while I'm on poop duty - the kid will call out from the bathroom, "Mama, you're missing the whole poop time!" And I suppose I'm meant to be disappointed and also to hurry right back. Another thing, while she is working on her output, she will take a length of toilet paper and lay it in her lap, begin to poke holes in it with her fingers and then she'll tell me, "I'm knitting this toilet paper." I don't knit. I have no idea where this ritual came from.

It's all cute in it's own bizarre way or I suppose that I have to think it is since this is how my kid is and I'm programmed to find her wackiness adorable and amusing.